Church Chats at Saturday Night Live are back in session.
Dana Carvey reprised his iconic character, the Church Lady, during the newest episode’s cold open, sitting down to scold Matt Gaetz, played by Sarah Sherman, Hunter Biden, played by David Spade, and baseball player Juan Soto, played by Marcello Hernández.
“Welcome to Church Chat. I’m the Church Lady,” Carvey says. “You know, it’s great to be back to ring out the end of 2024, the most satanic year in history. Instead of Mother Mary, little girls are looking up to the Hawk Tuah girl. Well, you know what I say, instead of hawk tuah-y, you need to walk tuah-y to a church.”
Carvey continues, “Have you seen Wicked? It’s just like The Wizard of Oz, but instead of saying, ‘Lions, tigers and bears, oh my,’ they say, ‘Lions, tigers and sluts, oh yes.’ A little bit different. Everywhere you look, you’ve got 11-year-olds dressing up like that vixen Sabrina Carpenter. Well you know who was the best carpenter: Jesus. Carvey then starts singing to the tune of “Espresso”: “He’s working late because he’s a savior.”
Sherman’s Gaetz was first to sit down with the Church Lady, where she tells him he looks like someone she knows. Gaetz guesses Leonardo Dicaprio and Brad Pitt, but the Church Lady says, “No, it’s not that. I just tried to knock on my noggin. Could it be? SATAN! I caught you off guard, didn’t I?”
Next to join Carvey for a Church Chat was Spade’s Biden. “Some people on the right aren’t too happy about your pardon,” the Church Lady says.
“Well, they singled me out just because of who I am. Much like [Donald] Trump, they went after me because of my last name and all the illegal things I did,” Spade’s Biden says as Carvey responds, “Well, isn’t that special?”
Spade’s Biden adds, “Can I say one thing before I go? I’ve gone through a lot, but my dad loves me unconditionally, and that’s the greatest gift of all. Also, to anyone who’s seen any of those laptop photos, just remember the camera takes off two inches.”
Juan Soto, the most coveted baseball free agent of the 2024-25 off-season who Carvey says is “about to sign the biggest contract in all of time,” was the last guest.
The Church Lady says, “Let me ask you a question: Have you ever been to church before?” Hernández’s Soto responds, “Well, I am Latin, so when I was a kid, we went to church once on Christmas, once on Easter and twice every other day.”
The SNL cold open concludes with Carvey and the Church Chat singers performing a little song: “Satan had a good year / With Hawk Tuah-y and P. Diddy, Satan is a real kind of giddy / Satan had a good year / Will Christmas be about Jesus? Nobody knows / Will it be about Santa, hanging with the Ho, Ho, Ho’s? / Satan had a good year.”
Gladiator II actor Paul Mescal also made his hosting debut on the NBC sketch comedy show, with musical guest Shaboozey.
During his opening monologue, Mescal says, “I’m also excited to be here because I’m not really known for comedy, which is crazy to me because I think I’ve given a lot of really funny performances.” He proceeds to play some highlights, however, it’s just clips of Mescal crying for several of his past roles.
“I think it’s pretty clear I’m not afraid to do emotional scenes, or nude scenes, or nude, emotional scenes,” the Normal People star adds.
Later, the Irish actor also took a moment to “clear up some ugly stereotypes about the Irish.”
“For example, there’s a nasty rumor that Irish people have sex with our cousins, right? That’s offensive and it’s ridiculous. We have sex with our second cousins,” Mescal quips. “People also think the Irish hate British people. That’s not true. We just don’t consider them people.”
Elsewhere in the show, Shaboozey performed “Good News” and “A Bar Song (Tipsy).”
